Monday, July 6, 2009

Ode to Baby Weight

I can remember them well. Those carefree, thin days of my past, filled with favorite jeans and
slim(-mer) body. Being able to wear clothes and not feel. . . . like I'm in someone else's skin. And then, a thought was. . . thought, and a belly began to swell, pushing out and out and out. Would there be no end?! The belly was large, and demanded respect, (for it was carrying a child of love of course), but also because if it fell, it would pull with it the also growing mother, crushing the unlucky soul trapped in it's path. For weeks the belly continued to grow and stretch and create life. . . . and stretch marks. All while the mother grew sadder and sadder, looking at her now mis-shapen form, bulging in the mirror before her. She longed for the day when the child would emerge, and she could have her once beloved body back. And the day came, life was born, and free to grow on it's own, outside of mothers body. Mother then began to work very hard to find herself again amidst all the stretch marks and extra baby weight. . . "Where AM I?!" she cried! She exercised and saw that fat does not LIKE exercise, and a few pounds ran away. She was very pleased with this indeed! Alas, after much more exercising, mother realized she had . . . .plateaued. HA HA! The scale laughed in her face. So mother, in her desperation, said to herself. . . "I do not need so much junk food, I say!". And she gave a mighty effort to banish the delicious demons from even entering the house (although, after 9 months of pregnancy, this IS very hard). For weeks she longed after cream sauce on her pasta, or chocolate, the ultimate enemy. And with much trepidation, she stepped on the scale to find. . . success! More of those lingering pounds had run off and joined their banishd friends. "Well then," she thought to herself "I must be on the right track.". Mother continued as best she could, tripping here and there, and finding that ever enticing enemy, chocolate, was always there to find her. After months of sweaty mountains climbed and run, and food left on the plate, she stepped on the scale, ever hopeful to find, THE SAME THING! "Huh?!" she cried "How can this be?!!!" Day after day she would weigh herself again in the morning, hoping for a miracle. And day after day, the scale showed her the same spread. After becoming sad one last morning, mother remembered something! In 6 weeks, after the child has weaned, she can now DIET! This very thought brought her back to her single days. . . thinking of slim fast shakes and small portions and times when I am just NOT hungry (for that does not happen now). And this thought made her very happy indeed. And her whole face smiled with great anticipation, and she could feel the fat shaking on her body, as they were scared to their bones! And she smiled again. Oh, baby weight. No one wants you. No one likes you. You, are a menace to society, and mothers everywhere. But THIS mother. . . . THIS mother, will hve NO MORE of you, and soon, you will be gone.

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