Friday, November 28, 2014

Coming Home

We were able to leave the hospital after 24 hours, and truthfully, I prefer it that way.  There is absolutely no rest in the hospital for me.  The bed is so uncomfortable, and while I appreciate having people check on me all night, it means people are checking on me...all night.  I was so grateful for their care, but I wanted to be home where I'm just more comfortable.

The first few nights with Rosalie were super rough while I was waiting for my milk to come in.  It's that way each time and completely exhausting.  But, after the milk was still exhausting.  My Rosie had her days and night turned upside down for about four weeks, oy vey.  I was a total zombie.  At this point in time, I'd say I'm about *half* zombie.  BUT, let me expound on my *full* zombie experience; transitioning to three children has been ridiculously difficult and has brought me to tears just about every day and multiple times on a couple of days.  I've had sleep deprivation induced bouts of guilt so so so many times, even now really for feeling like I'm neglecting my other two kids.  Marin seems to be more OK, I think having school five days a week has really helped the transition for her.  Marin absolutely thrives on routine and knowing what to expect, so even amidst all the 'new-ness' at home, she can at least count on the predictability at school.  Owen, on the other hand has really struggled.  He has preschool only twice a week for a few hours, and honestly, he needs more.  He is SO bored.  And how do I feel when I'm dog tired and lugging a newborn around the house and he keeps asking, "Can you play with me, mommy?", "Mommy, when you're done feeding baby, can you play with me?",  Mommy, after quiet time can you help me build my tower?".  How it hurts my heart to be so tired or have a screaming baby or hungry baby or need to eat a meal or have five minutes to myself.  GUILT.  So much GUILT!!

And can I tell you what makes me crazy?  When I see parents with a child posting these cute little quotes on how you need to enjoy your baby/child and dishes can wait, laundry can wait...all of LIFE, seemingly can wait because your child is the one and only thing you ever need to worry about in the world, EVER.  And I think to myself, well, that's great, that's great that I don't need to do dishes, or even laundry...but who is going to make sure my *other* two kids have clean underwear for school?  And, who is going to help my *other* two kids realize that there is more to life than playing and they need to help with dishes and learn to be a participating member of the family?  Can I just say, I know...I understand the feelings of having one child and thinking that I could do it all.  Thinking, "Hey, this parenting thing is pretty easy, I got this covered, I can do the mom thing, AND everything else.".  And you know why I thought that?  It's because I didn't have two other children that needed parenting.  I've been sufficiently humbled.  Having two children really straightened me up and showed me that I have both feet into the mother-hood deal, and there is more to consider than playing and snuggling...and while that is vitally important, so is clean underwear and teaching responsibility by helping out with the dishes.  Parenting, so I've found, is a multi- faceted and very complex integration of different requirements, and seem to morph and change as your child grows.  And while, when they are little little, they require snuggling and playing and diaper changes, they begin to grow and have expanding needs.  So I promise that I snuggle and love and play with my babies, I want them to know they take priority *always* over laundry and dishes, but I also fulfill the other part of motherhood.  The part that requires keeping a clean home, and showing my kids how to clean up and be a participating member of the household. And my children will grow up to be balanced, well loved adults who know how to do laundry and make meals.

SO, with that said, let me *finally* show you some pictures!  My mom came out for ten days and was here for her birthday AND Halloween.  We'll just start with the first part:

I tried to make dinner one night, Zuppa Toscana and the Bishop's wife stopped by for a moment to drop off a gift, and while we were chatting, my Owen dumped a whole bottle of coconut extract into the soup.  Yeah.  We had pasta instead.  Luckily, when mom came out, she made us some Zuppa Toscana sans coconut extract, YUM!
Grandma and Rosalie.
 Rosie is such a snuggler.
 Is there anything better than snuggling with a newborn?
 We took my mom to Red Lobster for her birthday dinner, and they kids marveled at the live lobsters.
 It was such a nice meal, and Rosie slept for the whole thing.
 Owen, Grandma and Marin.
 I totally slipped the secret to the wait staff that it was mom's birthday and they sang to her, haha!
 This is my sweet Marin, she totally has gotten into making fruit salads by herself, and it's wonderful to watch her be so independent.  This girl at age six is growing up right before my very eyes!
 I let Rosie nap on her tummy during the day, and I just love how she curls right up, ahh nothing sweeter!
 And I'll finish the pictures off with a cute little baby bum, look how sweet!  I know.
As you might have surmised, this post was written under the duress of total exhaustion, so if you take offense to my parenting comments, just let it be and know that not all battles need to be fought or won.  I'm incredibly grateful for the chance I have to be the mother of my three children.  They are beautiful blessings in my life who push me each and everyday to be better, there is nothing more exhausting or rewarding and I wouldn't have it any other way!

1 comment:

Colleen said...

You can say whatever you want! Parenting is exhausting. Especially when there are three! I told you, right? See, I'm not crazy! I hope things are getting better and better and that she's not so colicky. So you can enjoy her more and have more time for Owen(and for sleep and yourself!). She's so sweet and cute!